In Which
A Journey Begins ⁂ The Snail Flails ⁂ Firing into Melee is a Bad Idea ⁂ Bariarti Meets the Critical Hit Table ⁂ Nocturnal Attackers Figure ⁂ Death by Shoulder-Tap ⁂ Evil is Smitten ⁂ Aster Makes Numismatic Deductions
The party, having been notified that Fritha wants to get on the road in the near future and this may be their last full day in Stagnant Lake for a while, consider whether they have anything they still need to take care of. They generally conclude that they do not, and, in the words of the GM (i.e., my own recorded voice), “the day is generally uneventful and not worth recording."
That evening over dinner, Fritha informs the party (and Fluryka) that they should leave at dawn the next day in order to follow her preferred traveling plan. Sticking to the main roads would take weeks, but if they're willing to make a slightly riskier overland journey, they can reach the port town of Hoturla in just a few days and buy passage on a ship to Verunn. If they leave town early enough tomorrow, they can reach the Tomb of St. Tris1 before dark, and thus sleep safely with the knowledge that they are surrounded by paladins. From there, they'll have to find their way through the foothills to Ang vy Moir, which will involve at least one night of camping, but Ang vy Moir has walls and an inn, and then it's only a day on the road to Hoturla.
The party also has to decide whether they want Brother Saros travelling with them, given that he's somewhat irritating and gives them a weird vibe. They do, however, eventually agree that the greater access to healing is worth it.
Aster: If he's with us, we can keep an eye on him.
Bork: If he's with us, we can kill him in his sleep.
It is a minor side note that this day was also the Feast of Saurivuntyr, and a small banquet was held at the Tower of Eyes, local headquarters of the Royal Intelligence Corps, a few miles further along the lake's coast. The PCs were not invited.
Oculi 14th, 211 Ravensblood
The next morning, the party sets out, their numbers effectively doubled by the trio of NPCs with them. The road to St. Tris is not traveled very frequently; pilgrims visit there, and they buy food or other supplies from Stagnant Lake, and the occasional person in search of a high-level healer might find their way to the monastery, but generally the traffic is barely enough to warrant the existence of the road. Aster tries to make the day's walk2 more cheerful:
Three ankhegs menace the PCs. Ankhegs, for the uninitiated, are ten-foot-long, carnivorous, burrowing insects with acidic saliva, so this is tremendously inconvenient4. Fluryka and Saros take the first opportunity to flee combat and leave the fight to others, being as they are unarmed. Bork manages to stab one, and it retaliates by gripping her firmly in its mandibles for significant damage. Another spits acid on Aster, Bariarti, and Saros -- who apparently didn't move far enough away. Bariarti slithers into battle with a flail; one assumes that Bariarti's player, as a long-time gamer, did this intentionally in order to invoke a “flail snail".
Some relatively unremarkable combat proceeds, in which Bork is crushed some more in the ankheg's mandibles, and Saros delivers some healing. One of the ankhegs then manages a critical, followed by a roll of 93 on the d100 critical table, and bites off one of Bariarti's hands. Aster manages to respond with her own critical, and does a whopping 6 damage with her halfling-sized crossbow; Bork finally kills the one grappling her. Fritha decides to fire into melee a few times, and manages to put more than one crossbow bolt into Bork over the course of the fight. Eventually the party kills two of them and drives off the last.
Once combat has ended, Fluryka returns from her hiding place in the grass and drops some wisdom: apparently you can use every part of the ankheg, or at least goblins do. She mentions to the party that not only are they edible, but you can make passable armor out of ankheg exoskeleton. Bork collects the biggest bits laying around for future armorsmithing, and Fluryka decides to cook some of the flesh up for lunch. It tastes not entirely unlike lobster.
That evening, they arrive at St. Tris and head straight to the monastery to see if someone can put Bariarti's hand back on. The monk they meet in the entrance hall is pretty skeptical, and even asks if Bariarti is some sort of demon they've brought into their monastery, on the grounds that he's never seen anything that looks like him and belongs on this plane of existence. He also asks whether they're sure his species normally has two hands; Bork produces the severed one from her pack. It turns out that the abbess is actually sufficiently powerful to do such a thing -- it's a real stroke of luck that this happened when the party was already on their way to a significant religious outpost.
The monk is insistent on a sizable donation to the church for such a service, and is openly doubtful that this strange group of people has that kind of money on them6. Bork tries and fails to convince them to bill the monks who brought them back; the monk tries to convince Bariarti to agree to undertake a quest-to-be-decided-upon-later; eventually it turns out that Bariarti's player spent very little of his starting budget, and produces the requisite 1000 gold pieces. For this donation, the abbess takes time out of her busy schedule and ushers Bariarti to a consecrated altar, where she chants over him for nearly an hour until his hand reattaches itself.
The party then heads to the Civilian Quarter, on the monks' advice, where pilgrims can generally pay a local to let them sleep on someone's floor. (Fluryka, who is used to sleeping in real beds, insists on this.) Aster makes a low Gather Information roll, and finds an elderly man who used to be a cook at the military academy; he has enough room on his floor for two people, and that ends up being Fluryka and Saros. Bork, who doesn't mind sleeping outside but didn't buy camping gear, curls up on the ground outside like a dog.
Oculi 15th, 211 Ravensblood
Aster and Bariarti go to morning service at the temple, to hear about valiant adventure and the cleansing powers of fire. Bork idly considers “derail[ing] the entire campaign to plan an elaborate heist on the monastery and get our thousand gold back," but decides against it. Before the party leaves, they stop by the barracks to see if they're willing to part with some of the equipment they keep around for the paladins. They procure some traveling supplies so Bork has something to sleep under; Aster also takes a look around their armory and manages to buy a masterwork longsword with really nice scrollwork on the hilt. They then leave St. Tris on the grounds that there is no tavern and it is therefore a boring town.
As they leave town, Fritha warns them that this next leg of the journey is likely to be dangerous, as there is no established road. They should also plan to camp tonight, as they're definitely not going to reach Ang vy Moir before dark. The party moves through hills and valleys along a path that's not so much a road as a game trail; the day goes by fairly uneventfully, despite the ominous milieu. Before they make camp, Aster organizes a watch schedule. Fritha volunteers for first watch, and Aster for third. After some back-and-forth between Bariarti and Bork, Bork reluctantly agrees to take second watch on the grounds that she has a much better track record at spotting things than Bariarti.
This turns out to be beneficial, as not long into Bork's turn on watch, she spots a pair of shadowy figures moving silently towards the camp. Their use of stealth is actually very impressive, but gnolls have sensitive noses and the intruders smell terrible. Bork decides to use her rogue talent of “minor magic" and taps one of the approaching figures on the shoulder with mage hand.7 A successful Bluff check causes it to actually look around, and she shoots it while it's flat-footed, causing it to barely bite back a scream of pain. If they weren't hostile before, they are now. The two figures head out of the shadows -- allowing Bork to identify them as bugbears -- bothering much less with stealth. Some failed Perception checks on the part of the five sleeping members mean that literally nobody wakes up until Bork shouts.
The two that Bork spotted earlier proceed to clobber her with their morningstars, and two that had been successfully making their Stealth checks until now hurl javelins from the other side of the camp. Aster starts singing for her inspire courage effect, and the noise finally wakes Fritha, though the other two NPCs appear to be unusually heavy sleepers. Bork tries the “tap on the shoulder" trick again -- on the same bugbear -- and he fails his Sense Motive despite the penalty given for this trick already being done; she then gets a critical hit on her attack of opportunity, and kills him outright with a stab through the kidney. Bork's player makes it clear to all that her “laughing uproariously" should be considered as in-character.
Fritha's signature firing-into-melee move actually works out in this fight, and she does a small amount of damage to the bugbears. Aster shoots off one of the bugbears' thumbs on a critical that does all of two damage. Bork reduces the other one in melee with her to exactly zero hit points, so that it's unconscious but alive. Bariarti successfully smites evil for the first time, but rolls terribly low on damage. Aster takes down the one missing a thumb, and Fritha goes to poke the unconscious one to see if it's dead or not; the final bugbear flees, and manages to evade Bork's attack of opportunity by a hair.
There is some discussion about whether to interrogate the unconscious bugbear or kill it outright. Bork wonders out loud if they're actually sapient, and Aster points out that they're smart enough to use javelins; Bork is of the opinion that a sufficiently motivated dog could throw a javelin, so that doesn't prove anything.9 It is, however, fairly common knowledge that bugbears are just a variety of goblinoid, and are known to be sapient even if the fact that they're carrying weapons and wearing armor isn't enough to convince Bork. Bariarti wants to just kill it -- his smite evil worked on one, so as far as he's concerned, his god wants them dead. Aster convinces the party to bind it instead, then wake it up and ask it questions. The interrogation proceeds as follows:
The party discusses how much they can deduce from that, and then splits the coins three ways. Bork informs Fritha that she earned a gold piece for actually shooting an enemy this time, but she owes Bork a gold piece for shooting her yesterday, so it's a wash. They then (mostly) return to sleep.
Aster: Fritha, do you know any good stories?The summer sun is hot, and the dust rises around their feet as they walk. On either side of the narrow, sporadically-maintained road, the tall yellowish grass that characterizes the area refuses to wave in the lack-of-breeze. The buzzing of insects and occasional rustling of snakes goes gradually silent, and the PCs make Perception checks. Bork gets a 25 3, and is able to alert her companions to a strange scraping from underground, and the vibrations of movement in the soil. Thus there is no surprise round when the ankhegs burst from the soil...
Fritha: That's an... interesting question. [pause] The answer to which is “no".
Aster: Well, I do. Would you like to hear one?
Fritha: If that helps pass the time.
Aster OOC: Whan that Aprille with his shoures soote / The droghte of Marche hath perced to the roote...
 |
| From the 2e Monstrous Manual |
 |
A flail snail, again for the uninitiated; a monster from the 1st-edition days generally considered to be absurd.5 I believe it was actually revived for 5e in the recent Volo's Guide to Monsters. |
Once combat has ended, Fluryka returns from her hiding place in the grass and drops some wisdom: apparently you can use every part of the ankheg, or at least goblins do. She mentions to the party that not only are they edible, but you can make passable armor out of ankheg exoskeleton. Bork collects the biggest bits laying around for future armorsmithing, and Fluryka decides to cook some of the flesh up for lunch. It tastes not entirely unlike lobster.
That evening, they arrive at St. Tris and head straight to the monastery to see if someone can put Bariarti's hand back on. The monk they meet in the entrance hall is pretty skeptical, and even asks if Bariarti is some sort of demon they've brought into their monastery, on the grounds that he's never seen anything that looks like him and belongs on this plane of existence. He also asks whether they're sure his species normally has two hands; Bork produces the severed one from her pack. It turns out that the abbess is actually sufficiently powerful to do such a thing -- it's a real stroke of luck that this happened when the party was already on their way to a significant religious outpost.
 |
| The Tomb of St. Tris, in the foothills of the Afnung Mountains. |
The party then heads to the Civilian Quarter, on the monks' advice, where pilgrims can generally pay a local to let them sleep on someone's floor. (Fluryka, who is used to sleeping in real beds, insists on this.) Aster makes a low Gather Information roll, and finds an elderly man who used to be a cook at the military academy; he has enough room on his floor for two people, and that ends up being Fluryka and Saros. Bork, who doesn't mind sleeping outside but didn't buy camping gear, curls up on the ground outside like a dog.
Oculi 15th, 211 Ravensblood
Aster and Bariarti go to morning service at the temple, to hear about valiant adventure and the cleansing powers of fire. Bork idly considers “derail[ing] the entire campaign to plan an elaborate heist on the monastery and get our thousand gold back," but decides against it. Before the party leaves, they stop by the barracks to see if they're willing to part with some of the equipment they keep around for the paladins. They procure some traveling supplies so Bork has something to sleep under; Aster also takes a look around their armory and manages to buy a masterwork longsword with really nice scrollwork on the hilt. They then leave St. Tris on the grounds that there is no tavern and it is therefore a boring town.
As they leave town, Fritha warns them that this next leg of the journey is likely to be dangerous, as there is no established road. They should also plan to camp tonight, as they're definitely not going to reach Ang vy Moir before dark. The party moves through hills and valleys along a path that's not so much a road as a game trail; the day goes by fairly uneventfully, despite the ominous milieu. Before they make camp, Aster organizes a watch schedule. Fritha volunteers for first watch, and Aster for third. After some back-and-forth between Bariarti and Bork, Bork reluctantly agrees to take second watch on the grounds that she has a much better track record at spotting things than Bariarti.
This turns out to be beneficial, as not long into Bork's turn on watch, she spots a pair of shadowy figures moving silently towards the camp. Their use of stealth is actually very impressive, but gnolls have sensitive noses and the intruders smell terrible. Bork decides to use her rogue talent of “minor magic" and taps one of the approaching figures on the shoulder with mage hand.7 A successful Bluff check causes it to actually look around, and she shoots it while it's flat-footed, causing it to barely bite back a scream of pain. If they weren't hostile before, they are now. The two figures head out of the shadows -- allowing Bork to identify them as bugbears -- bothering much less with stealth. Some failed Perception checks on the part of the five sleeping members mean that literally nobody wakes up until Bork shouts.
 |
| Bugbear, from the 2e Monstrous Manual.8 |
Fritha's signature firing-into-melee move actually works out in this fight, and she does a small amount of damage to the bugbears. Aster shoots off one of the bugbears' thumbs on a critical that does all of two damage. Bork reduces the other one in melee with her to exactly zero hit points, so that it's unconscious but alive. Bariarti successfully smites evil for the first time, but rolls terribly low on damage. Aster takes down the one missing a thumb, and Fritha goes to poke the unconscious one to see if it's dead or not; the final bugbear flees, and manages to evade Bork's attack of opportunity by a hair.
There is some discussion about whether to interrogate the unconscious bugbear or kill it outright. Bork wonders out loud if they're actually sapient, and Aster points out that they're smart enough to use javelins; Bork is of the opinion that a sufficiently motivated dog could throw a javelin, so that doesn't prove anything.9 It is, however, fairly common knowledge that bugbears are just a variety of goblinoid, and are known to be sapient even if the fact that they're carrying weapons and wearing armor isn't enough to convince Bork. Bariarti wants to just kill it -- his smite evil worked on one, so as far as he's concerned, his god wants them dead. Aster convinces the party to bind it instead, then wake it up and ask it questions. The interrogation proceeds as follows:
Bork: Why did you attack us? (Intimidate: 23)Bariarti clobbers him to death with his flail without apparent moral compunction as Bork loots the bodies. She does indeed find a bag with 21 gold pieces in it, as well as a necklace of scrimshawed human teeth and a small wooden tribal totem. Aster's bardic knowledge identifies the carvings on the totem as being characteristic of Tribe Drool-Dark, a nomadic tribe in the foothills that is known for ambushing travelers for fun and profit.
Bugbear: What? It's just -- I mean -- you know -- a good night's fun.
Bork: [glares]
Bugbear: Right, right, so it was a hit. But we were hired through an intermediary; we don't know who wanted it done.
Bork: Intermediary?
Bugbear: Just some guy, you know? He -- they -- just showed up with a message.
Bork: He or they?
Bugbear: Look, I don't know how to recognize human genders.
Bork: But just one person?
Bugbear: Yes. One guy. Could have been a chick. Dunno.
Aster: But human.
Bugbear: Yeah.
Bork: What did they say?
Bugbear: That if we saw a hyena and a snail traveling together, we should ambush them and try to kill the whole group.
Bork: I'm a gnoll, you racist fuck.
Bugbear: I don't have time for political correctness.
Bork: Yeah, you don't have time because I'm going to cut off your head if you don't give us the answers we want.
Bugbear: Hey, I'm cooperating. Cooperating. I'm answering, aren't I?
Bork: Are you sure it was a human who hired you and not, like, a frog?
Bugbear: I think I would have noticed.
Bork: I dunno, you're kind of dumb.
Bugbear: You're kind of dumb.
Bork: I killed your partner by tapping him on the shoulder in the middle of combat.
Bugbear: He was kind of dumb. Look, I gave you your answers. Are you going to let me go?
Bork: I'll let the paladin decide. Was the person who hired you wearing any religious symbols or weird jewelry?
Bugbear: Not that I saw. They were dressed like a human. Doing human things.
Bork: What did they pay you?
Bugbear: They gave us a bag of gold.
Bork: Where's the gold?
Bugbear: With the rest of the tribe.
Aster: [Sense Motive] Liar.
Bugbear: All right, it's on the dead guy over there.
Bork: Paladin, he's all yours.
Bugbear: Remember I cooperated! And I'm unarmed!
Bork: Want to go slaughter their families too?Aster also wants to examine the coins in the bag and see if they come from anywhere in particular. This actually reveals something interesting -- all of them are coins minted in the now-defunct Necrocracy. They are still the currency of choice in the dozens of tiny fiefdoms south of the Afnung Mountains where the Necrocracy used to be, now referred to as the Necrotic Bloc. Though they are not uncommon sights in general circulation, it is unusual that the entire bag is Necrotic currency.
GM: Whoa.
Bork: He's the one that killed an unarmed man!
Aster: Yeah, I kind of feel like that's un-paladin-like.
Bariarti: [shrug]
Aster: I guess it depends on the god.
GM: Grandfather Kraken is pretty hands-off.10 His paladin status is not in danger.
 |
| Necrotic currency is easily identified because of the onyx incorporated into the design. Though the metal is copper, silver, and gold-colored in order to match the schema used by neighboring countries, it's actually just cheap alloys; the value of the currency is based on onyx. Copper “scythes" have almost-negligible amounts of onyx dust mixed into them; silver “chiefs" have a small shard through the center; and golden “dances" have a thin slice inlaid on the reverse. Another unique aspect of Necrotic currency is that the “platinum piece" has been eliminated in favor of the “eye", which is a thin ring of tarnished bronze around a flat disc of onyx, valued at 25 gold pieces; the onyx discs used are of sufficient size and quality to use in the creation of undead, thus giving them inherent value. |
1. St. Tris, in life, was actually a PC in a previous campaign some years ago -- the first campaign in this particular world, in fact. She erred on the “good" side of “Lawful Good" and tended to solve her problems with fire and sword. After spending some of her afterlife as a saint of Pelor, she became a demigod in her own right after Pelor abandoned the world in the Great Holy War. Her worshipers are few, and her only temple is the one by her tomb. Her doctrine is mostly about being an active force for good in the world, with a strong undercurrent of “smite evil first, and ask questions later". Most of the permanent residents of the “town" of St. Tris are either monks or paladins-in-training -- her church maintains a highly-specialized military academy.
2. Not only were they unable to find any mounts for sale in Stagnant Lake, Bariarti is physically incapable of riding anything, so going on foot is really their only option.
3. Bork OOC: Not only do I hear what you're having me roll for, but I can hear the dreams of my compatriots.
4. It should be noted, however, that they do wonderful things for the quality of the soil. I'm not making this up.
5. Though Zak S. said the following nice things about it here:
6. This is actually on me -- I thought spells of that level were more expensive than it turns out they are. We spent a solid fifteen minutes at the table conversing with the monk before I checked the cost and found out it was more affordable than I thought.
7. Or, you know, telekinetically prods their shoulder in such a way that it feels like a finger tap.
8. From the setting document: “Bugbears are yet another variety of goblinoid, and the same sort of questions about whether they’re a subspecies or… what, exactly, tend to float around. In general, however, they are a combination of the worst traits of their goblinoid cousins: the strength and organization of hobgoblins, but the bad attitude and destructive tendencies of goblins. Not only are they big enough to take pretty much anyone in a straight-up fight, but their personalities tend to range over the spectrum between ‘asshole' and ‘serial killer' — with the occasional spike into ‘war criminal'. They tend to stick to small, mobile groups — not so much because that’s their preference, but because larger groups tend to collapse into infighting and any more permanent settlements end up in conflict with their neighbors. Of course, since nobody is ‘always Chaotic Evil', there is in fact a decent-sized bugbear settlement to the far north — Putiurl — where those who don’t fit into traditional bugbear culture often settle."
9. Bork OOC: Some people do agility courses with their dogs; we do random sadistic javelin throwing.
Bariarti OOC: That's basically reverse fetch.
10. Tentacles-off.
2. Not only were they unable to find any mounts for sale in Stagnant Lake, Bariarti is physically incapable of riding anything, so going on foot is really their only option.
3. Bork OOC: Not only do I hear what you're having me roll for, but I can hear the dreams of my compatriots.
4. It should be noted, however, that they do wonderful things for the quality of the soil. I'm not making this up.
5. Though Zak S. said the following nice things about it here:
Ok so a flail snail is silly but, really have you ever looked at a snail? A snail is fucked. In a line drawing on a Hallmark card a snail is just a wiggle and a spiral, but in reality a snail is a gross fucking monster from hell. Imagine that slick, slightly pocked, stretching moist slugskin forming the spheres and spikes of a morning-star-shaped faceless-vegetable-like unface and then wanting to touch you with it. If you still don't get it, watch that scene in Microcosmos where the two banana slugs mate on a rope of their own slime while an aria plays in the backround--a thing like that pounding on you with its own eyeless faces would drive you insane. See? Ok.(In context, that counts as saying nice things.)
6. This is actually on me -- I thought spells of that level were more expensive than it turns out they are. We spent a solid fifteen minutes at the table conversing with the monk before I checked the cost and found out it was more affordable than I thought.
7. Or, you know, telekinetically prods their shoulder in such a way that it feels like a finger tap.
8. From the setting document: “Bugbears are yet another variety of goblinoid, and the same sort of questions about whether they’re a subspecies or… what, exactly, tend to float around. In general, however, they are a combination of the worst traits of their goblinoid cousins: the strength and organization of hobgoblins, but the bad attitude and destructive tendencies of goblins. Not only are they big enough to take pretty much anyone in a straight-up fight, but their personalities tend to range over the spectrum between ‘asshole' and ‘serial killer' — with the occasional spike into ‘war criminal'. They tend to stick to small, mobile groups — not so much because that’s their preference, but because larger groups tend to collapse into infighting and any more permanent settlements end up in conflict with their neighbors. Of course, since nobody is ‘always Chaotic Evil', there is in fact a decent-sized bugbear settlement to the far north — Putiurl — where those who don’t fit into traditional bugbear culture often settle."
9. Bork OOC: Some people do agility courses with their dogs; we do random sadistic javelin throwing.
Bariarti OOC: That's basically reverse fetch.
10. Tentacles-off.
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